Wednesday, December 31, 2003

U.S. May Cede Afghan Provinces to Taliban



The Financial Times reports that the U.S. military is starting to soften its anti-Taliban policy in view of the reality that it does not possess sufficient troops to control the entire country on behalf of the weak central government of Hamid Karzai.



The US military supports Afghan government efforts to court moderate members of the former Taliban regime in a strategy to win political support in the troubled south, the leading US commander in Afghanistan has said.



General David Barno, commander of the US-led military coalition that is hunting al-Qaeda and Taliban militants in Afghanistan, called government overtures towards the moderates a "terrific effort", but denied the US military was directly involved in talks.



"It's a hugely important initiative that will help fracture the Taliban movement and bring the Taliban who are not criminals back into the realm of active Afghan society," Gen Barno said in an interview with the Financial Times.



His comments reflect a shift in the US posture towards the former hardline regime and a change in strategy as it turns to political tactics and reconstruction, rather than solely military means, to counter Taliban insurgency.



"If you're a rank and file Taliban member and you reject your past . . . then you can become part of the future of Afghanistan," said Gen Barno. He believes there are between 100 and 150 Taliban leaders who were "essentially criminals".




A reliable Pentagon source has told me for months that the Bush Administration is beginning to realize that Afghanistan will be Talibanized one way or another. Since a return to 2001 conditions seems more or less inevitable, U.S. planners are starting to consider negotiating a friendlier relationship than the one that prevailed before the October 2001 war. The first step to reaching an accomodation with the radical Islamist clerics we accused of harboring Osama bin Laden is cooperating with mid-level Talibs. If that works out well from the American standpoint, high-level Taliban leaders like Mullah Mohammad Omar could be in control--with U.S. approval--of such provinces as Helmand as early as 2005.



The Bush Administration, as I wrote in my book "To Afghanistan and Back" and subsequent columns, was never seriously dedicated to the occupation of Afghanistan or in establishing a viable post-invasion regime in Kabul. Many Central Asia watchers expect Afghanistan to be fully back into Taliban, or Taliban-like, control within about three years. The Defense Department's new accomodationism would seem to be a first step towards withdrawal.

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

2004 Book Tours and Appearances



I'm starting to put together book signing tours for my upcoming books WAKE UP YOU'RE LIBERAL and GENERALISSIMO EL BUSHO, due out in April and June, as well as speaking appearances related to the elections. If you or someone you know is interested in bringing me to your city, now's a good time to let me know. Send me an e-mail and let's work something out!

Monday, December 29, 2003

We're All Judged by Our Enemies



I'd like to (sniff) thank my cat...the food I ate...my dead friends...everyone who made it possible for me to be named No. 1 Most Annoying Liberal by the Right Wing News blogger site! This is the second year in a row that this list, which travels around the Usenet faster than the I Love You virus, has been compiled by the friendly fascists, but the first time that I beat out such worthies as Michael Moore (#2), Gov. Howard Dean (#3), Nobel Prize winning President Jimmy Carter (#7), Al Franken (#15) and yes, the Dixie Chicks (#20)!



The best part is reading the justifications for each entry. It seems that, to these brave teenagers, anyone with an original thought in his or her head is a danger to the republic. I've won many awards, but this is one is nearly as good as a Pulitzer Prize!



Will I make the list next year? Just wait until these goofs read my upcoming book WAKE UP, YOU'RE LIBERAL: HOW WE CAN TAKE AMERICA BACK FROM THE RIGHT (Soft Skull Press, April 2004)!

Sunday, December 28, 2003

USA Patriot Act II Partly Enacted



Thanks to FOR Russ Williams for forwarding this interesting tidbit from the San Antonio Current alt weekly newspaper. Generalissimo El Busho, it seems, took advantage of the Saddam capture hype to sneak part of the neofascist USA-Patriot Act II legislation into law without the trouble of unseemly public debate.



A brief cut:



The Bush Administration and its Congressional allies tucked away these new executive powers in the Intelligence Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2004, a legislative behemoth that funds all the intelligence activities of the federal government. The Act included a simple, yet insidious, redefinition of "financial institution," which previously referred to banks, but now includes stockbrokers, car dealerships, casinos, credit card companies, insurance agencies, jewelers, airlines, the U.S. Post Office, and any other business "whose cash transactions have a high degree of usefulness in criminal, tax, or regulatory matters."




Saddam in Custody, US Less Safe Than Ever



Among the silliest of charges leveled at Democratic presidential nominee apparent Howard Dean is that he somehow mispoke when he remarked that the capture of former CIA errand boy Saddam Hussein--nothing more than the latest chapter of a lengthy labor-management dispute if you think about it--hasn't made Americans any safer, whether in Iraq from local resistants or here in the U.S., from terrorists.



With news of U.S. troops continuing to come under heavy fire in Iraq, it's time for former contenders like Dick Gephardt and John Kerry--both worthy men who would have made fine opponents to Generalissimo El Busho had they not already lost--to stop criticizing Dean for speaking something that's so plainly true. Dean's plainspokenness, after all, is what has brought him so far. It's also time they drop out of the race and endorse Dean.

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

A Guide to Today's Cartoon



Not every cartoon works. Some are so obtuse that no one gets it; to wit this week's offering "The Triumph." The original idea was to show Bush having captured Saddam but himself being trapped by the war itself. So I drew two Iraqi jihadis celebrating as Condi and Colin were forced to drag a cage containing Bush and Saddam, the latter held in chains by the former.



Still don't get it?



You're not alone. Looks like I blew it. Probably has something to do with all the Nyquil I've been taking for this godawful bug.
Now Hear This: Ted on Athens GA Radio on Xmas + 1



"In the fight against radio fascism, at least one liberal beacon has emerged victorious on the AM airwaves. Dan Matthews has hosted an hour long live call in talk show in the Athens, Georgia market on NewsTalk 1340 WGAU (AM) since August and has ruffled the feathers of ne'er-do-wells such as Senator Zell Miller and assorted other conservatives. So far we are unaware of any way to get it on the computer, but if you are within 20 miles of the University of Georgia in Athens, you should be able to hear award winning author and illustrator Ted Rall this Friday morning, 9-10 am EDT, along with 12th district congressional candidate John Barrow, who has raised more money for this Georgia race than any other U.S. congressional candidate at this point. Should you want to call in a question for Ted Rall, dial 706-549-8255 between 9:06 and 9:20 am Friday, December 26, 2003. Thanks for your interest. "



Now back to bed.

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Happy Holidaze



I'm sick as a dog and, in any case, busy being festive and stuff. I'll be away from the blog pretty much until Dec. 30.

Friday, December 19, 2003

The Ted and Jerry Show



I'll be discussing the Sen. John Kerry cursing "scandal" and the corsening of our society with the Rev. Jerry Falwell on CNBC TV tonight, 6:15 Eastern Standard Time.

Thursday, December 18, 2003

It's Good to be King, a.k.a., It's Nice Being Loved, sung to the tune of "We're So Popular"



We're winning so many hearts and minds in Iraq it's just incredible:



U.S. Hunts for Militants North of Baghdad

By ALEKSANDAR VASOVIC, Associated Press Writer



SAMARRA, Iraq - Using sledgehammers, crowbars, explosives and armored vehicles, U.S. forces smashed down the gates of homes and the doors of workshops and junkyards Wednesday to attack the Iraqi resistance that has persisted despite the capture of Saddam Hussein.



In Baghdad, guerrillas ambushed a U.S. military patrol with small arms fire, killing one soldier from the 1st Armored Division and injuring another, the military said.



The soldier's death brings the number of U.S. soldiers killed in combat to 314 as violence persists after Saddam was detained on Saturday.



Staff Sgt. Kimberly A. Voelz, 27, of Carlisle, Pa., was killed Sunday in Iskandariyah, Iraq , as her unit was responding to an explosive ordinance disposal call, the Defense Department said.



A soldier assigned to the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault) was killed Tuesday in a vehicle accident southwest of Mosul, Iraq. Some 144 soldiers have died of non-hostile causes, according to the Pentagon.



The raid, launched before dawn and lasting until midmorning, targeted the city of Samarra, north of Baghdad.



Loud blasts mixed with the sound of women and children screaming inside the houses. An explosion at the gate of one compound shattered windows, cutting a 1-year-old baby with glass. U.S. medics treated the injury while other soldiers handcuffed four men, who were later released.



U.S. officials say some 1,500 fighters operate in Samarra, making it one of the persistent hotspots in the so-called Sunni Triangle.



"Samarra has been a little bit of a thorn in our side," said Col. Nate Sassaman. "It hasn't come along as quickly as other cities in the rebuilding of Iraq. This operation is designed to bring them up to speed."



In the Samarra raid by some 2,500 troops, dubbed Operation Ivy Blizzard, the 4th Infantry Division and Iraqi forces detained at least a dozen suspected guerrillas รข€” though others got away, apparently tipped off about the raid.



In the city's industrial zone, troops used even their Bradley fighting vehicles to break down the doors of warehouses, workshops and junkyards.



"Locksmiths will make a lot of money these days," said a U.S. soldier, laughing as he sat atop a Bradley.



"They've made a mistake to attack U.S. forces," Sassaman said. "No one knows the town better than we do. We're gonna clean this place."



In Wednesday's sweep, soldiers used satellite positioning devices to locate buildings pre-marked as targets.



As Apache helicopters flew overhead, troops downtown fanned out in squads of 14 to storm several walled residential compounds, using plastic explosives to break in.



At one home, an explosion ignited a small fire. Elsewhere, a suspect was punched in the head and a soldier said: "You're dead. You're dead."



Troops later moved on to the industrial area, where they found little. One military official said he suspected insurgents moved much of their equipment to farms outside town.


Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Attention MSNBC Fans



If you watch MSNBC you've seen their new promo. They ask: "Will Bush win Florida again?" then say something along the lines about how you have questions, they have answers (sorry, Radio Shack). If you have a digital camera and can send me high-resolution photos of the ad's 2 or 3 panels, I need your help! Please email me at chet@rall.com. There's a free, personally-autographed copy of any book of mine you want in it for you.



Thanks,

Ted
Saddam's Capture Changes Nothing



Remember this greatest hit from a few months back?



"Washington had hoped that the deaths of Uday and Qusay would weaken the insurgency..."




That's from the Associated Press archives.



Since I'm directly addressing the capture of Saddam in my column this week, I think it's important for Americans to stop deluding themselves that the war in Iraq cannot be won by such get-won-quick moments as the capture of Saddam. Who can understand the countless comments from Republicans that those of us opposed to the illegal invasion based on countless lies should eat crow simply because we done got Saddie?



Hear this: no one said we weren't gonna catch him.



What we said, and what continues to be true, is that the war was unnecessary, and did more harm than good for many reasons: we trashed our credibility, made others fear and hate us, created a power vacuum, destablized the Middle East, etc. None of that changes just because one dictator has just fallen into the clutches of another dictator.
"Werewolf" Follow-up



Several German correspondents have written to confirm that, in fact, exactly zero American soldiers were killed in occupied Germany by so-called "Werewolves" after the May 7, 1945 surrender of Germany. And even if there had been casualties--which there were not--they certainly would have been expected in a nation which had declared war upon us. Iraq, on the other hand, was supposed to greet us with roses, remember?
Support Your Local Draft Board



An anonymous FOR (Friend of Rall) suggests:



"Some friends and I decided that the best defense in this case is to

stack the draft boards with fellow anti-war/anti-draft folks. We could

then grant exemptions freely."



Indeed, why should the draft boards gearing up for possible spring 2005 conscription be loaded up with American-flag-lapel-wearing right-wing loons? It's time for all patriotic lefties (a redundant term) to submit their application to join their local draft board!



Sign up with the Selective Service System today!

Sunday, December 14, 2003

More Bush Lies, Now About World War II History



Yesterday I received the following email from one "Jason Wilson":



Mr. Rall,

While I have rarely agreed with any of the sentiments coming from a single

one of your cartoons or columns, I've always believed that you are a person

who states facts as they are - you just have a rather bizarre way of looking

at them. So I was quite disappointed with Saturday's cartoon (yes, like

anyone who truly despises a person's work - I read everything that you

write) when your typically self-righteous left-wing character attempted to

condemn our war in Iraq by stating "No U.S. troops died in Japan or Germany

after World War II ended."



My friend, this is just not true. I assume you've probably already received

e-mail from others informing you of this fact, but if you haven't then

please allow me. Following the surrender of the Nazis, Allied troops were

continuously being sniped at and sabotaged by neo-nazi guerillas known as

"werewolves." This guerila were went on for three years following the

official end of the war (much longer than our current war, would you not

agree?) Allow me to give you a direct excerpt from a book entitled "Minutemen of the

Third Reich":



"The Werewolves specialised in ambushes and sniping, and took the lives of

many Allied and Soviet soldiers and officers -- perhaps even that of the

first Soviet commandant of Berlin, General N.E. Berzarin, who was rumoured

to have been waylaid in Charlottenburg during an incident in June 1945.

Buildings housing Allied and Soviet staffs were favourite targets for

Werewolf bombings; an explosion in the Bremen police headquarters, also in

June 1945, killed five Americans and thirty-nine Germans. Techniques for

harassing the occupiers were given widespread publicity through Werewolf

leaflets and radio propaganda, and long after May 1945 the sabotage methods

promoted by the Werewolves were still being used against the occupying

powers.



Although the Werewolves originally limited themselves to guerrilla warfare

with the invading armies, they soon began to undertake scorched-earth

measures and vigilante actions against German `collaborators' or

`defeatists'. They damaged Germany's economic infrastructure, already

battered by Allied bombing and ground fighting, and tried to prevent

anything of value from falling into enemy hands. Attempts to blow up

factories, power plants or waterworks occasionally provoked melees between

Werewolves and desperate German workers trying to save the physical basis of

their employment, particularly in the Ruhr and Upper Silesia.

Several sprees of vandalism through stocks of art and antiques, stored by

the Berlin Museum in a flak tower at Friedrichshain, caused millions of

dollars worth of damage and cultural losses of inestimable value. In

addition, vigilante attacks caused the deaths of a number of small-town

mayors and, in late March 1945, a Werewolf paratroop squad assassinated the

Lord Mayor of Aachen, Dr Franz Oppenhoff, probably the most prominent German

statesman to have emerged in the occupied fringes over the winter of

1944-45."



Wouldn't you say that this sounds much more like the situation we are

currently facing, than does any cooked-up comparison to Vietnam?

It's one thing to be a left-wing nutjob, Mr. Rall. It's quite another thing

to be a liar. Try not to let it happen again - and it would also be good of

you to admit this error in an upcoming cartoon.

Thanks for reading,

Jason Wilson




I didn't reply because (a) I was working on the second draft of my new book WAKE UP, YOU'RE LIBERAL and I was too busy, (b) Wilson violated my email rules about not responding to people who insult me and (c) I've studied enough World War II history--my wife would argue, way too much World War II history--to know that no reputable historian believes that the Nazi holdover "Werewolves" ever caused a single U.S. soldier to lose his life after the surrender of Germany on May 7, 1945. On this particular point, I checked the details with a highly respected expert on the subject before doing the final artwork on that cartoon. So I felt pretty confident that I hadn't gotten this detail wrong (though anything's possible, obviously).



Then, today, I received the following badgering missive from the same dude. I mean, really. Since when do I owe a total stranger a prompt response?



I notice that you have added to you rallblog, but it was not to admit that

you lied in your Saturday cartoon with the false assertion that no American

died in Germany after World War II. As I explained in my previous e-mail,

many Allied forces were killed for up to three years following the war by

the feared Nazi "werewolf" guerilla forces. You really need to come clean on

this if you hope to maintain your professionalism.



By the way, I wanted to comment on your latest entry into your little blog.

You wrote that "it's good to see that U.S. forces didn't see fit to execute

Hussein as they did his two sons and grandson a few months ago." While this

statement isn't quite a blatant lie such as your one about the Nazis, it is

very much a mistruth. Saddam's sons weren't "executed". They were killed

after they engaged in a firefight with Allied forces. Saddam, on the other

hand, went without a fight. Are you really going to tell me that our forces

don't have the right to kill people who are shooting at them?



Come on, Ted. You're coming apart at the seams.

Please admit to your lie.





Sigh. The only thing that makes me feel like I'm coming apart at the seams is my desire, futile no doubt, to set the record straight. Still, being called a liar when I know that I was dead on kinda bugs me.



As Daniel Benjamin wrote in Slate, my Republican correspondent been suckered by yet another Bush Administration lie: this one that the situation in Iraq is comparable to that of Allied forces serving in Germany and Japan after the end of combat in World War II. Here are some highlights that, I hope, will put this matter to rest once and for all.



Yeah, like a blog can do that. Anyway:



Condi's Phony History

Sorry, Dr. Rice, postwar Germany was nothing like Iraq.

By Daniel Benjamin




Rice-a-phony history?As American post-conflict combat deaths in Iraq overtook the wartime number, the administration counseled patience. "The war on terror is a test of our strength. It is a test of our perseverance, our patience, and our will," President Bush told an American Legion convention.

National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice embellished the message with what former White House speechwriters immediately recognize as a greatest-generation pander. "There is an understandable tendency to look back on America's experience in postwar Germany and see only the successes," she told the Veterans of Foreign Wars in San Antonio, Texas, on Aug. 25. "But as some of you here today surely remember, the road we traveled was very difficult. 1945 through 1947 was an especially challenging period. Germany was not immediately stable or prosperous. SS officers—called 'werewolves'—engaged in sabotage and attacked both coalition forces and those locals cooperating with them—much like today's Baathist and Fedayeen remnants."

Speaking to the same group on the same day, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld noted,

"One group of those dead-enders was known as "werewolves." They and other Nazi regime remnants targeted Allied soldiers, and they targeted Germans who cooperated with the Allied forces. Mayors were assassinated including the American-appointed mayor of Aachen, the first major German city to be liberated. Children as young as 10 were used as snipers, radio broadcasts, and leaflets warned Germans not to collaborate with the Allies. They plotted sabotage of factories, power plants, rail lines. They blew up police stations and government buildings, and they destroyed stocks of art and antiques that were stored by the Berlin Museum. Does this sound familiar?"

Well, no, it doesn't. The Rice-Rumsfeld depiction of the Allied occupation of Germany is a farrago of fiction and a few meager facts.

Werwolf tales have been a favorite of schlock novels, but the reality bore no resemblance to Iraq today. As Antony Beevor observes in The Fall of Berlin 1945, the Nazis began creating Werwolf as a resistance organization in September 1944. "In theory, the training programmes covered sabotage using tins of Heinz oxtail soup packed with plastic explosive and detonated with captured British time pencils," Beevor writes. "… Werwolf recruits were taught to kill sentries with a slip-knotted garrotte about a metre long or a Walther pistol with silencer. …"

In practice, Werwolf amounted to next to nothing. The mayor of Aachen was assassinated on March 25, 1945, on Himmler's orders. This was not a nice thing to do, but it happened before the May 7 Nazi surrender at Reims. It's hardly surprising that Berlin sought to undermine the American occupation before the war was over. And as the U.S. Army's official history, The U.S. Army in the Occupation of Germany 1944-1946, points out, the killing was "probably the Werwolf's most sensational achievement."

It's hard to understand exactly what Rumsfeld was saying, but if he meant that the Nazi resisters killed Americans after the surrender, this would be news. According to America's Role in Nation-Building: From Germany to Iraq, a new study by former Ambassador James Dobbins, who had a lead role in the Somalia, Haiti, Bosnia, and Kosovo reconstruction efforts, and a team of RAND Corporation researchers, the total number of post-conflict American combat casualties in Germany—and Japan, Haiti, and the two Balkan cases—was zero.





And of course Qusay and Uday were executed. The house where they were staying was surrounded. All we had to do was wait for them to get hungry, thirsty and bored. They would have come out at some point. Surely some reservist who works as a cop stateside could have told his C.O. not to rush in there guns ablaze. As I wrote earlier today, I'm glad that they didn't do this to Saddam.



He has so many interesting stories to tell, don't you think?
Finally, a Dirty Deed Done Right



The news of Saddam Hussein's capture does nothing to validate an illegal and murderous war fought on a pretext of lies, but it's good to see that U.S. forces didn't see fit to execute Hussein as they did his two sons and grandson a few months ago. It'll also be interesting to see whether the Iraqi resistance fades away upon this development; if it does, that will validate the Bushies claim that a few "dead enders" were running the insurgency. If not, it will prove that the anti-U.S. forces are homegrown--something they haven't quite admitted yet. Either way, it will end the sense of limbo that the invasion has given the Iraqi people, and that's probably a good thing. I do have to wonder, though, why didn't the moron flee overseas?



Pentagon stooge Ahmed Chalabi of the Iraqi governing council is currently planning to put the deposed dictator on trial, which would be a wonderfully interesting development. "Saddam will stand a public trial so that the Iraqi people will know his crimes," he said.



The questioning ought to be fun. "When did you first meet Donald Rumsfeld, Mr. Hussein?" "When did the first President Bush tell you it was OK to invade Kuwait, Mr. Hussein?" "How many metric tons of anthrax did President Reagan sell you, Mr. Hussein?"



Gavel to gavel on Court TV, I'll be there.

Friday, December 12, 2003

They're Getting Nervous



There's been quite a bit of hate mail arriving at Rall Corporate World Headquarters. Republicans, it seems, are pretty upset about my suggestion that Democrats cancel the 2004 primaries to save money and build unity for the big push against the Generalissimo in November. "Undemocratic," they call it. Just because Dean's got the nomination locked up, they say, doesn't mean that people shouldn't have their chance to vote.



Gee, where were these democratic purists when the U.S. Supreme Court canceled the recount in Florida? Cheering that their guy got in.



Primaries aren't electoral democracy, anyway. They're merely a replacement of the old "smoke filled rooms" of yore, when party bosses directly selected the nominee. Truth is, several states have already abolished their primaries, replacing them with Iowa-style caucuses, to save money.



Besides, didn't anybody notice? BUSH is running unopposed. Aren't Republicans entitled to an alternative to their unelected incumbent ususper?



When Reagan fired the air traffic controllers in 1981, wags said that he only backed unions in Poland. In 2003, Republicans only support free elections for Democratic primaries.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

Three New Ted Rall Books for 2004!



Next year will be a busy one on the book front. First up is the next installment in the ATTITUDE anthology series (I swear I had no idea there would be a repeat performance), ATTITUDE 2: THE NEW SUBVERSIVE SOCIAL COMMENTARY CARTOONISTS (NBM Publishing, February 2004, $13.95). I'm not in it per se, but I edited and compiled the work of 21 amazing cartoonists and asked the questions in the interviews. If you liked ATTITUDE, you'll definitely want this one. If you missed it, not to worry--ATTITUDE 1: THE NEW SUBVERSIVE POLITICAL CARTOONISTS is in print and still available. Anyone who likes political cartooning and/or alternative weekly newspapers should pick it up.



Next up is WAKE UP, YOU'RE LIBERAL: HOW WE CAN TAKE AMERICA BACK FROM THE RIGHT (Soft Skull Press, April 2004), my book that diagnoses the troubles of the American left and offers solutions for them--including a new platform for a new majority Democratic Party. This is all prose, no cartoons, and contains nothing that has appeared elsewhere. This book could end up being a big deal.



Then, in June, look out for a collection of my writing and cartoons about Generalissimo El Busho's first four years. More details on that as they become available.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

James Taranto, America Hater



The Wall Street Journal is one of the most impeccably written newspapers in America. Maybe that's why they harbor a plump resident right-wing attack mutt by the name of James Taranto in the cyberslum edition of an otherwise dignified paper. A mystery, however, is why no one has called this McCarthyite neofascist on his slander of loyal Americans.



In a follow-up to a dressing down of the Howard Dean campaign, in which Taranto attempts to smear Dean by depicting me as some sort of wacko pro-Osama com-symp, this fat little Nazi has the gall--and poor legal judgement--to insult me as "America-hating columnist Ted Rall."



I'm not a thin-skinned guy, Mr. Taranto, but anyone who dares question my patriotism or loyalty to the United States of America has crossed the line--no, he's leapt way the hell over it. I adore my country, I would lay down my life to defend it, and I'm willing to take the heat from neo-McCarthyite scum like him. When I speak out against the gangsters who have taken over Washington, subverted the Constitution and undermined basic American values like truth and justice, I am merely doing what anyone who cares about our country would do. Bush and his policies are destroying my country--which is why I am working as hard as I can to stop them.



It's one thing to counter an argument. It's quite another to impugn the patriotism of the person making it. People who resort to shutting their opponents down, which is the antithesis of the First Amendment which allows our democracy to function, swim in the gutter because they don't have a valid point of view. They are the true America haters.



It probably reads better in the original German, but Taranto's original attack piece wallows in outright lies, elementary school smears and inane conjecture:



Ted Rall is like a chronic rash. You really want to scratch it, but doing so only aggravates the inflammation, so if you're smart you'll leave it alone. We've been pretty disciplined about this, not mentioning his name in almost a year. But there has been a Rall outbreak on Howard Dean's blog, and, alas, it requires attention.




Look Taranto, just because you may have had some terrible experience with STDs doesn't mean you should take it out on the rest of us. Follow the lead of the victim who responded to that ad in Germany, the one placed by the psycho looking for someone to kill and eat, and cut the damned thing off if it itches so badly.



Who is Ted Rall? The parts of the column Gross refrains from quoting give you some sense of Rall's worldview. He likens the Bush administration to the Sept. 11 hijackers: "Who could have imagined back then that a dozen maniacs would hijack our democracy, bankrupt the treasury and subvert our basic values?" He describes Bush's appealing the Florida election dispute to the U.S. Supreme court as an act of treason. He claims that after Sept. 11 "did Bush begin acting like a dictator." And he makes this astonishing statement: America is under attack, and Bush is enemy number one. Where does Osama bin Laden rank in Rall's enemies list? He doesn't say.




Here, I'll make it easy for you, Jimmy: Unlike you Republicans, I don't HAVE an enemies list. While I wouldn't say that Osama has America's best interests at heart, I think it's also safe to say, as any thinking person would, that a treasonous "president" who subverts a national election by hiring Hitler Youth-like goons to invade an elections office, runs up $10 trillion in debt, starts two unjustified wars and opens a concentration camp at Gitmo is more dangerous to the United States than a sick old man hiding out in the middle of Kashmir. Osama may have killed 4,000 Americans in all (and we're still waiting for proof of what really happened on 9/11) and that's obviously horrible. But he's not American. He can't be expected to give a damn about us. Bush has killed hundreds of U.S. troops and tens of thousands of Afghans and Iraqis for nothing but his own greed and self-agrandizement--and he's one of us. Who do YOU think is the most dangerous?



Meanwhile, here are some other examples of Rall's work:



* In an April 2001 column for the Mother Jones Web site (which erroneously labels it as having been published a year earlier), Rall endorsed the use of violence by opponents of free trade: "The disruption of the Summit of the Americas in Quebec City last weekend provides a classic example of doing good while throwing hard objects at big sheets of glass. . . . Lefties just don't seem to get this fundamental truth of politics: Not only has there never been a revolution without violence, but there's never been meaningful social change without violence or at least the threat thereof."



* In an October 2001 syndicated column, Rall argued against liberating Afghanistan from the Taliban and claimed that the Sept. 11 attacks were merely a pretext, "the perfect excuse to do what the U.S. had wanted all along: invade and/or install an old-school puppet regime in Kabul."




First, these are hardly "examples" of my work. I crank out three to five cartoons and at least a column every week. "Examples" of my work would randomly select from these rather than peruse thousands of pieces to find three for context-free dissection.



As for my Mother Jones magazine piece, I never endorsed violence. I merely stated an obvious fact: that the WTO protesters broke windows in Seattle because they found that working within the system, sending letters to the editor to papers like the Journal, didn't move forward their claims. Reporting and analyzing the truth ain't the same thing as endorsing an action, hombre, and you'd know that if you had a passing acquaintance with the former. And where did I ever argue against liberating Afghanistan from the Taliban? To the contrary, I argued against a U.S. invasion of Afghanistan because I didn't think we had any interest in Afghanistan's people--only its critical position along a possible oil pipeline route. I was one of the earliest commentators, both in cartoon form and on my former radio show on KFI Los Angeles, to try to get Americans to do something about the Taliban regime. As most Afghans can attest and as became rapidly evident after 9/11, U.S. occupation has not liberated them from anyone, least of all the Taliban.



* In March 2002, Rall published a cartoon...that mocked "terror widows," apparently including the wife of Daniel Pearl, who had learned of her husband's death just two weeks earlier. The strip's third panel depicts a woman standing in front of a bank of microphones saying, "Of course it's a bummer that they slashed my husband's throat--but the worst was having to watch the Olympics alone!




Quoting one panel out of a six-panel cartoon, without the artwork, is pretty friggin' lame. Could it be that the same cartoon, when seen in context, isn't all that offensive? Selective spin, however, a standard rightist smear tactic.



* In a column published two weeks ago--on Veterans Day, no less--Rall described Iraq's pro-Saddam guerrillas as nationalist freedom-fighters: "Dear Recruit: Thank you for joining the Iraqi resistance forces. You have been issued an AK-47 rifle, rocket-propelled grenade launcher and an address where you can pick up supplies of bombs and remote-controlled mines. Please let your cell leader know if you require additional materiel for use against the Americans. You are joining a broad and diverse coalition dedicated to one principle: Iraq for Iraqis."




A classic example of Republirat spin. The column quoted above, which appears in its entirety in my column archives a few clicks away, in no way, shape or form endorses violence against Americans. It is an examination of the appeal of Iraqi resistance fighters, a response to morons like Taranto who claim not to understand why "liberated" Iraqis are shooting at us. He would probably have accused Jonathan Swift of advocating infanticide.



Now, obviously it isn't Dean's fault that this vile little creep endorses him--or, to be precise, flirts with the idea of endorsing him: "Maybe it's premature to endorse Gov. Dean. But right now, given the information we have available, he's the preferred candidate of us Anybody But Bushies."



But Dean's campaign is trumpeting Rall's support on his Web site, and that ought to be enough to make anyone uneasy with the notion of Dean's finger on the button.




Yeah, Dean would be SO scary. Unlike the current model of restraint and peaceful diplomacy currently residing at 1600 Pennsylvavnia Avenue. And my endorsement makes him even SCARIER!!! (Cue "Monster Mash" here.)



Fortunately, Dean supporters are a hell of a lot smarter than Taranto takes them for. They know that I'm no "anti-American" and neither is Dean. My upcoming book will lay to rest any doubts of my political stances on a variety of issues once and for all. You, on the other hand...



Have you at last, Mr. Taranto, no decency? Evidently not. A cursory Google search shows that Taranto (known as Tarantoad online) has done this sort of thing before, even stooping to post the home address and phone number of a progressive writer in the hope that rightists would harass him and his wife, who was sick with cancer at the time. No, decency isn't something known to someone who calls anyone with whom he disagrees anti-American, but know this: calling me an "America hater" to my face would be a very unwise idea.



You may e-mail Tailgunner Jim Taranto at james.taranto@dowjones.com if you'd like to renew your Der Sturmer subscription or whatever.
Generalissimo El Busho Signs on as a Ted Rall Sponsor



Sharp-eyed readers of this website have noticed ads for a certain squinty-eyed dictator over the page for my columns. "For God's sake, man!" one correspondent wrote. "Children read your column!"



First, an explanation: The banner ads on the Cartoon and Column pages are placed and solicited by uComics, a subsidiary of Universal Press Syndicate, my distribution agency. In exchange for maintaining an extensive archive of my work, they collect the revenue from those ads. I don't have control over the ad content, nor do I get any money directly. Those banner ads are, however, the only way I can maintain archives that go back several years. Server space is expensive, and I have neither the technical nor the financial resources to do the job myself. The down side, such as it is, is the weird occasional contradiction of ads for the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, which I have advocated military attacks upon, and Bush, who merits prosecution and impeachment as a usurping warmonger, running on my website.



This arrangement will likely continue, unless someone steps forward with a sizable sum of money with which I could launch a full-scale redesign from the site's current 1995-style format and purchase some server space somewhere. Since that's probably not going to happen, these quirks will probably reoccur from time to time.

Tuesday, December 9, 2003

Just Shoot Me



My book is done! WAKE UP, YOU'RE LIBERAL: HOW WE CAN TAKE AMERICA BACK FROM THE RIGHT has been zipped off to the publisher. Today, I sleep. (Is it good? I'll put it this way: I was nervous about it a while back but now I'm not. If you care about the state of the country and understand that we are in big, big trouble on a number of fronts, you'll find this worth reading.)



Oh, and obviously I wasn't on Fox last night. Stuff happens, etc., anyway I'll know more later and will tell you when I do.

Monday, December 8, 2003

Got the photo



Not to worry, we're covered for the cover. Thanks to all.
Early Alert: Rall on Alan Colmnes - FOX NEWS



Looks like I'll be on Alan Colmes' solo show tonight on Fox News, circa 11:15 am. It isn't confirmed yet and I don't know whether it'll be via phone or they want my ugly mug in studio (or in situ, as they say in Latin), but anyway, now you know. Subject is my column "Why We Hate Bush."
You Could Be Famous...For More Than One Day, Too.



I need a high-resolution photo a demonstration or protest to add to the cover artwork of my upcoming magnum opus WAKE UP, YOU'RE LIBERAL: HOW WE CAN TAKE AMERICA BACK FROM THE RIGHT (Soft Skull Press, 2004). I'm really hoping for a shot of the front of a march, people carrying signs. Either color or black and white is fine. If you have such a thing and you have all the rights to it (i.e., you took the photo yourself), please e-mail it to me in JPEG or TIFF format as soon as you can.



If I use your photo, you'll get a hundred bucks (with a pledge of residuals should I sell zillions of copies), original artwork for one of my cartoons, and a credit line on the copyright page of the book.



Specs: Photo must be no less wide than 6 inches at 300 dpi or more.
Musical Mysteries



Why do some bands fade away? Last year's debut album by the electroclash/neosynthpop outfit Soviet (We Are Eyes...We Are Builders) remains in heavy rotation on the Rallian jukebox. Think early 1980s Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark updated ร  la Ladytron, and if you don't know or care what the fuck (hi, John Kerry!) I'm talking about, skip this section. Anyway, it's an incredible record and I'm waiting at the door's at Kim's Video and Records for the second one to come out but these guys don't even have a listing for their CD on Amazon. What the f---?



So this post has a two-fold purpose. First, does anyone know what's going on with this brilliant electonica group? Second, if you haven't done so already and you like that '80s stuff like Human League/OMD/Soft Cell, pick this sucker up.
Why We're Losing in Iraq



A piece in yesterday's New York Times says it all:



BU HISHMA, Iraq, Dec. 6 — As the guerrilla war against Iraqi insurgents intensifies, American soldiers have begun wrapping entire villages in barbed wire.



In selective cases, American soldiers are demolishing buildings thought to be used by Iraqi attackers. They have begun imprisoning the relatives of suspected guerrillas, in hopes of pressing the insurgents to turn themselves in.



The Americans embarked on their get-tough strategy in early November, goaded by what proved to be the deadliest month yet for American forces in Iraq, with 81 soldiers killed by hostile fire. The response they chose is beginning to echo the Israeli counterinsurgency campaign in the occupied territories.



So far, the new approach appears to be succeeding in diminishing the threat to American soldiers. But it appears to be coming at the cost of alienating many of the people the Americans are trying to win over. Abu Hishma is quiet now, but it is angry, too.



In Abu Hishma, encased in a razor-wire fence after repeated attacks on American troops, Iraqi civilians line up to go in and out, filing through an American-guarded checkpoint, each carrying an identification card printed in English only.



"If you have one of these cards, you can come and go," coaxed Lt. Col. Nathan Sassaman, the battalion commander whose men oversee the village, about 50 miles north of Baghdad. "If you don't have one of these cards, you can't."



The Iraqis nodded and edged their cars through the line. Over to one side, an Iraqi man named Tariq muttered in anger.



"I see no difference between us and the Palestinians," he said. "We didn't expect anything like this after Saddam fell."



The practice of destroying buildings where Iraqi insurgents are suspected of planning or mounting attacks has been used for decades by Israeli soldiers in Gaza and the West Bank. The Israeli Army has also imprisoned the relatives of suspected terrorists, in the hopes of pressing the suspects to surrender.



The Israeli military has also cordoned off villages and towns thought to be hotbeds of guerrilla activity, in an effort to control the flow of people moving in and out.



American officials say they are not purposefully mimicking Israeli tactics, but they acknowledge that they have studied closely the Israeli experience in urban fighting. Ahead of the war, Israeli defense experts briefed American commanders on their experience in guerrilla and urban warfare. The Americans say there are no Israeli military advisers helping the Americans in Iraq.



Writing in the July issue of Army magazine, an American brigadier general said American officers had recently traveled to Israel to hear about lessons learned from recent fighting there.



"Experience continues to teach us many lessons, and we continue to evaluate and address those lessons, embedding and incorporating them appropriately into our concepts, doctrine and training," Brig. Gen. Michael A. Vane wrote. "For example, we recently traveled to Israel to glean lessons learned from their counterterrorist operations in urban areas." General Vane is deputy chief of staff for doctrine concepts and strategy, at the United States Army Training and Doctrine Command.



American officers here say their new hard-nosed approach reflects a more realistic appreciation of the military and political realities faced by soldiers in the so-called Sunni triangle, the area north and west of Baghdad that is generating the most violence against the Americans.



Underlying the new strategy, the Americans say, is the conviction that only a tougher approach will quell the insurgency and that the new strategy must punish not only the guerrillas but also make clear to ordinary Iraqis the cost of not cooperating.



"You have to understand the Arab mind," Capt. Todd Brown, a company commander with the Fourth Infantry Division, said as he stood outside the gates of Abu Hishma. "The only thing they understand is force — force, pride and saving face."




Whether or not we really understand the Arab mind, Arabs are gonna kick our ass. And based on this article (you gotta register to read the whole thing, but hey--it's the New York Times...you might wanna read something else by them someday), we may be asking for it.

Friday, December 5, 2003

The Magnus Opus



WAKE UP, YOU'RE LIBERAL: HOW WE CAN TAKE BACK AMERICA FROM THE RIGHT goes to my publisher, Soft Skull Press, on Monday. Light at the end of the tunnel! I just hope it isn't a bullet train.



To tell the truth, I wasn't sure until the last month that this was going to be any good. This is the first time I've ever tried to pull together my political thinking into one coherent text, as well as my first book of prose composed of completely original content--no reprinted columns, nothing that has appeared elsewhere before. Once you get in there with all that raw data, it's hard to see the forest for the trees.



During the last few weeks, however, it came together. I don't know whether people will like it or not--I can never tell that sort of thing--but I'm happy with it. It's the hardest, and one of the most personal, works I've ever done.



Galley review copies of WAKE UP, YOU'RE LIBERAL should be available in January or so. If you're a book critic or editor, please contact courtney@softskull.com to receive one.

Thursday, December 4, 2003

Resolved: the national security interests of the United States would be best served by an immediate troop withdrawal from occupied Iraq.



I addressed the Yale Political Union on the above subject. In response to requests, I am posting the text of my speech here.



TED RALL'S ADDRESS TO THE YALE POLITICAL UNION

December 3, 2003



Thank you for inviting me here tonight. As someone who has been both expelled by and graduated with honors from Columbia University, a place you rarely think about, I know that you’ll accept the sympathies that I’d like to offer on behalf of a beloved Yalie George W. Bush. My condolences are exactly as sincere as they are chock full of detached bemusement. Sadly, this middle-aged white man, once so full of promise and now filled to the brim with the waste product of a wasted life, finds himself, in the immortal closing voiceover from Kubrick’s “Full Metal Jacket,” in a world of shit.



Of course, Governor Bush’s situation is a desperate one. As he begins campaigning to win his first legal election, a race that pollsters predict will be nearly as tight as the last one, Bush’s economy has bled more than 3 million jobs. But the news isn’t all bad. He has also created 3 million freshly-minted Democrats. As this year’s budget deficit has skyrocketed, even his long-suffering Congressional lapdogs are considering cutting up his credit cards. Worst of all, of course, the war in Iraq—which was an uphill battle to begin with—has been irretrievably lost.



Whether the voters send Bush back to Crawford in January 2005 is of marginal importance to anyone but his major campaign contributors. Whether the United States of America strengthens or fades away, however, means everything.



No politician or political party is worth allowing harm to befall the greatest experiment in representative democracy ever undertaken. One man’s fate pales next to the risk of threatening the security of the world’s sole remaining superpower, its largest economy and the cornerstone of international stability. George W. Bush may save his presidency, or more accurately win what he stole, by following my advice to pull out of Iraq. But Bush doesn’t matter. What matters to you and me is the national security of our wonderful country, and that interest would be best served by an immediate American troop withdrawal from occupied Iraq.



The costs of invading and occupying Iraq have been enormous. As of yesterday, 434 American and about 100 coalition soldiers have died in combat, accidents and “friendly fire” incidents; several thousand have been grievously wounded. CNN estimates that 3,500 Iraqi civilians died during the invasion; because the Pentagon refuses to keep a tally of Iraqi casualties during the current guerilla war, it’s impossible to determine how many Iraqis have died since. There have been countless deaths of innocent Iraqis, including this past Sunday, when U.S. forces reported killing 54 Iraqi “insurgents” in Samarra. Most turned out to be civilians, including a local teacher and two Iranian pilgrims. According to the Associated Press, “Many residents said Saddam loyalists attacked the Americans, but that when U.S. forces began firing at random, many civilians got their guns and joined the fight. Many said residents were bitter about recent U.S. raids in the night.”



No one talks about the Iraqi soldiers who died in battle, performing their duty against a better-armed force, but the Department of Defense guesstimates those losses at anywhere between 20,000 and 50,000 men. They were husbands, fathers, brothers and sons. If you travel into combat zones, as I did a few years ago to Afghanistan, you’ll start to forget the distinction between our victims and their victims. They were human beings, just like ours. Few if any were “terrorists.”



The Pentagon, which Congress recently appropriated $1 billion for Afghanistan and $86 billion to occupy and rebuild Iraq, freely acknowledges that Congress has merely made a down payment on the sandy killing fields. At a monthly cost of $1 to $2 billion, plus Halliburton’s exorbitant estimates of the price of restoring oil and other infrastructure, the lowest estimate for a five-year occupation is currently running at a whopping $500 billion. If Bush ordered a pullout today, the United States could nationalize its colleges and universities and allow every student in the country, including here at Yale, to pay zero tuition—yet still come out ahead. And that’s not accounting for interest. Bush’s tax cuts and new Homeland Security bureaucracy helped turn President Clinton’s estimated $4 trillion projected ten-year federal budget surplus into a $6 trillion deficit. We don’t have the money for this war. We’re borrowing it by issuing Treasury bonds and notes to foreign investors. Even if we keep the occupation under budget, which would make this the first-ever case of government avoiding budget overruns, we’re going to lay out a hell of lot more than half a trillion dollars before this is all over.



Expense alone, however, should not preclude the United States from waging war. No one would say that it wasn’t worth the enormous price we paid to destroy Nazi Germany, fascist Italy or imperial Japan. Of course, Bush tried to make that case. Taking on Iraq, he tried to convince us, would be like fighting World War II all over again. Saddam Hussein, he told us, was the Adolf Hitler of the Middle East. Some of my editorial cartoonist colleagues helped out by drawing the Iraqi dictator with a teeny Bavarian mustache, but the analogy still didn’t play.



Saddam, Bush said, had invaded his neighbors and gassed his own people. What went unspoken was that he’d attacked Iran on behalf of Ronald Reagan, when he was still working as a U.S. puppet. Or that, as the U.S. has done so often and continues to do in places like Central Asia, we looked away as our valuable “strategic ally” brutalized Iraq’s Kurdish minority. True, since invading Kuwait and being driven out by a U.S.-led coalition in 1991, Saddam Hussein had presided over a violent and despotic dictatorship. In that he was no different than such U.S. allies in our so-called “war on terror” as Saparmurat Niyazov, Islam Karimov, Nursultan Nazarbayev and General Pervez Musharraf. But Iraq hadn’t invaded anyone since 1990, which is further back than most Americans can remember.



The failure of the Saddam-as-Hitler argument led to the Bush Administration’s repeated claim that Saddam possessed weapons of mass destruction and planned to use them against the U.S. and its allies—perhaps Israel and Saudi Arabia. Here are just a few of the lines Administration officials used in their build-up to war:



Dick Cheney, speaking to the VFW national convention on August 26, 2002: “Simply stated, there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction.”



George Bush, addressing the UN General Assembly on September 12: “Right now, Iraq is expanding and improving facilities that were used for the production of biological weapons.”



Ari Fleischer, at a January 9 briefing: “We know for a fact that there are weapons there.”



Bush’s State of the Union Address on January 28: “Our intelligence officials estimate that Saddam Hussein had the materials to produce as much as 500 tons of sarin, mustard and VX nerve agent.”



Colin Powell, to the UN Security Council, on February 5: “We know that Saddam Hussein is determined to keep his weapons of mass destruction, is determined to make more.”



Bush, in a March 17 speech to the nation: “Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the Iraq regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised.”



I could go on—Lord, could I go on—but my voice and your patience wouldn’t outlast a full reading of these statements.



Iraq’s longest-range missiles could only travel a maximum range of 400 miles, by the way. I’m thinking that maybe Saddam planned to Fedex them to Washington. Anyway, Secretary of State Colin Powell delivered a laundry list of weapons, down to the exact number of liters of anthrax medium, that the United Nations would find in Iraq should it choose to validate America’s crusade by committing troops. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld told ABC on March 30 that he knew exactly where Saddam’s WMDs were, naming sites and cities. “We know where they are,” he said. “They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat.” We know now that there weren’t any WMDs in Iraq. We also know that the Bush Administration didn’t even think it knew where they were. They made it all up, pulling bits and pieces from out-of-date CIA reports so they could blame “faulty intelligence” later on.



If Rumsfeld hadn’t been lying, why didn’t U.S. weapons inspectors find nuclear, biological and/or chemical weapons where he said they’d be? When you state you know where something is and it doesn't turn up where you’d promised, you had to be lying. To be charitable, the best one can say for the White House’s alleged “case” against Saddam Hussein is that, as of 1998—the most recent date for which reliable weapons information was available—Iraq had chemical and perhaps biological weapons.



On May 13, Major General David Petraeus, Commander of the 101st Airborne, became the first official to tell the truth: “I just don’t know whether it was all destroyed years ago—I mean, there’s no question that there were chemical weapons years ago—whether they were destroyed right before the war, (or) whether they’re still hidden.” As The New York Times has since reported, the WMDs probably were destroyed back in 1999, a fact that U.N. inspectors under Hans Blix would have verified had he been allowed to do so by a Bush Administration hell-bent on war. Ironically, Saddam believed that if he came clean about his compliance, he would appear defenseless.



In 1998 I owned a bootleg copy of the first Belle and Sebastian EP, but if recording industry cops broke down the door to my apartment, it wouldn’t be there today. Knowing that Saddam had proscribed weapons in 1998 didn’t mean that he had them in 2003. But, as Karl Rove and Dick Cheney are aware, it’s tough to make the case for “imminent threat” based on archival data.



After testing various rationales for war, with the international community and many Americans continuing to balk, Bush rolled out his ultimate and ultimately baseless charge: Saddam Hussein, he and his cabinet members implied so often that 70 percent of the public accepted it as Gospel truth, had planned and carried out 9/11. Not Osama. Not the Saudis. Saddam. The Bushies backed off from this gigantic, jumbo-sized lie under pressure from the media, but as soon as the journos stopped paying attention (which seems to happen a lot nowadays) they were back at it.



But you already knew all that. Bush’s litany of lies are old news to those of us who make an effort to stay informed. The rest of the world hasn’t moved on, though. For our traditional allies like France and Germany, as well as individuals both Muslim and otherwise, Bush’s brazen falsehoods to justify war will forever color the subsequent occupation. Even if the Iraqi people had greeted us with wine and roses, even if all the news from Baghdad were positive, they would never accept Bush’s ends-justify-the-means approach to preemptive warfare—or more accurately, arbitrary warfare.



War is a nation-state’s most extreme undertaking. It must be entered into seriously, not with smirks or fake cowpoke rhetoric. For war to be considered legitimate, it must be presented as a desperate last resort for self-preservation rather than the continuation of diplomacy—or the expansion of commerce—by other means. An overwhelming majority of people must be convinced that there is no other choice. The arguments used to build consensus for conflict must be truthful in form as well as substance. Otherwise you get Vietnam, which “began” with a fictional attack on a U.S. destroyer in the Tonkin Gulf.



Speaking on the U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln on May 2, Bush said that “The use of force has been and remains our last resort.” Yet another lie. There was no justification and no national consensus for Gulf War II—and it certainly wasn’t a last resort. And that may be reason enough to pull out now. No matter how you see the war, as a well-intentioned mistake based on flawed intelligence or as a cynical, evil gambit to carry out a plan hatched by Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice and Richard Perle called the Project for a New American Century before Bush came to power, the U.S. never enjoyed a tacit, legitimately-constructed consensus at home or abroad that what it was doing was necessary or justified.



Lies, Governor Bush, do matter.



Now that we’ve got more than 130,000 soldiers occupying Iraq, don’t we have an obligation to finish the job? If we pull out now, won’t Iraq disintegrate? How can we tell the widows and widowers of American soldiers that their loved ones died for nothing?



No. Yes. And we have no choice.



Since there weren’t any WMDs, we obviously don’t need to stay in Iraq to destroy nonexistent weapons. That leaves the fait accompli argument, falls flat on its face. The only reason for the U.S. to remain in Iraq, as provided by either Administration apologists or pro-war liberals like Thomas Friedman, is to plant the seed of democracy in the Middle East. Under this model, victory in Iraq—from the U.S. perspective—requires establishing sufficient peace and tranquility in the streets and alleys of Iraq to create conditions where democracy and free enterprise can flourish. A post-Baath Party democracy would bring Sunnis, Shiites, Turcomen and Kurds under the umbrella of a vibrant multiparty Iraqi federation. Presumably, the long-oppressed citizens of neighboring Arab states, watching the happy news on Al Jazeera, would agitate for change, which would force some regimes to reform and spark velvet revolutions against others. One wonder what the Kuwaitis think of this idea, but that’s the vision of the neo-conservatives.



Trouble is, it’s impossible.



First of all, there is no such thing as Iraq anymore. The Kurds have enjoyed de facto autonomy since the early 1990s. They have their own currency, stamps and national anthem, and they’ve made clear that they’re never coming back. Earlier this year U.S. invasion forces, by failing to force Kurdistan back into Iraq, ratified the nation’s permanent partition into at least two states: a future Republic of Kurdistan and a rump Iraq. Furthermore, our policy of deBaathification is alienating the 40 percent Sunni minority by depriving anyone who joined the party under the deposed regime of the right to earn a living. Desperation is growing. Civil war, Iraqis on both sides of the Sunni-Shia divide agree, is probably inevitable.



Neighboring states, in particular Turkey and Iran, are also playing a destabilizing role within Iraq. Turkey, fearful of renewed pro-independence agitation from its own Kurdish minority, is funding Sunni factions operating in Mosul and other border areas along the northern “green line” between Kurdistan and Iraq proper. Iranian hardliners, meanwhile, believe that they see the future of Iraq—and that it looks a lot like Teheran circa 1978. In Iraqi politics, tribe and clan affiliation have always been a preeminent determinant. Even in an ideal Jeffersonian-style democracy, Iraq’s 60 percent Shiite majority will enjoy continuous dominance, creating a perpetually neglected and/or abused Sunni minority. The American-led deBaathification policy pushes demography to further extremes of social polarization. The U.S. has made little to no effort to contain street violence, tacitly condoning revenge killings of leading Sunnis. As Iraqi clerics return from exile in Iran and their fundamentalist allies provide funding for agitation, Iraq’s secular status is being eroded daily. The not-so-great irony is that a liberalizing Iran, whose overtures have been repeatedly rebuffed by the Bush Administration, is financing a radical Shiite revolution in Iraq.



The antiwar left accuses the Bush Administration of failing to prepare a plan for postwar Iraq, but that’s not strictly true. The Pentagon’s plan, as it has been in previous wars, was to stand by and let things develop, to see which factions—among the State and Defense Department-approved lists of anti-Baath Iraqi exile groups—would ultimately emerge with popular support. Top officials were warned that, aprรจs Saddam, le deluge, but they couldn’t believe it. The removal of a strongman with more than two decades to consolidate power created a power vacuum which no one, least of all Ahmed Chalabi (who left Iraq at the age of 12), could fill.



We can’t put the toothpaste back into the tube.



We might have avoided some of the current problems by preparing a successor government and taking steps to prevent looting and random violence. Inexplicably the Defense Department refused to allow U.S. Army civil affairs detachments to cross the border from Kuwait until after the worst rioting was already underway. You only get one chance to make a good first impression, and we blew it.



Then, after we failed to install or find a viable pro-American post-Saddam regime, various insurgent groups—former regime figures, Shiite radicals, Islamist guerillas and even Kurds—perceived a chance to seize control for themselves. Unfortunately, they can’t fight each other until they get rid of us. Like the diverse component groups allied to form the French Resistance during World War II, they’re united in a marriage of convenience, one that’s launching an average of 35 attacks daily and dedicated to killing so many Americans that the U.S. public withdraws its support for the occupation. Our policy of overwhelming retaliation, ranging from arbitrary arrests of Iraqis said to be anti-American, to humiliating searches of homes and pat-downs of wives and daughters, to bombing cities located near ambush sites, is killing and maiming countless innocents. It’s playing into the hands of the resistance. It didn’t work for the French in Algeria. Ask any Israeli whether the politics of retaliation are effective in the Occupied Territories. The more clumsily and aggressively we react to attacks by Iraqi resistance fighters, the more angry recruits they find among an increasingly radicalized population. The most effective way to build popular support, by killing Iraqis with kindness, seems neither likely nor feasible. Ours is a poorly-trained occupation army largely composed of uneducated young men who’ve never traveled before they enlisted. They neither speak Arabic nor understand the complex tribal and religious politics of the country they’re attempting to run. If you’ve been to the Middle East, you can’t help but shudder with shame and disgust at the sight of men awaiting interrogation with gunny sacks over their heads as laughing soldiers pat down their wives and daughters. It isn’t right; even worse, it’s downright stupif. With U.S. troops coming under daily attack, however, sympathy and understanding are in short supply.



The resistance knows that it’s winning. It possesses a huge stockpile of weapons and significant funding, with more of both pouring in across poorly guarded borders with Syria and Iran. Resistance forces are operating on their home turf. Time is on their side, but not on ours. During the 20th century, no nation has ever invaded another sovereign state and kept it for long. Iraq is not likely to become the first exception. The last time we fought a war on as large a scale as Iraq, indigenous fighters drove us out of Vietnam. Make no mistake: the Iraqi resistance thinks they’re going to win the same way, applying the same ruthless dedication and relentlessness some of them used against the Soviets in Afghanistan, and they’re probably right. Retired Gen. Theodore Mataxis, wrote the following in the forward to the Russian army’s review of its Afghan war: “What guerrillas do not need is military victory. Guerrillas need to survive and endure over the years or decades of the conflict,” he wrote. The winning side in such a war prevails “because of higher morale, greater obstinacy, stronger national will, and the determination to survive.”



Wanna bet which side has all of the above in Iraq?



When evaluating the feasibility of continuing to fight in Iraq, we shouldn’t ignore the danger of contributing to the spread of regional and international instability. As I’ve mentioned, Turkey is nervously eying its southeast as the possible site of another bloody civil conflict or border war with a nascent Kurdish state. At the brink of bankruptcy and threatened by rising Islamic fundamentalism, Turkey is the strategic lynchpin between Europe and Asia, a crucial ally to Israel and the U.S., and the highest civilized achievement of secular Islam. The former Soviet republics of Central Asia are currently wavering between following Ankarra and Islamabad as their model, and the world’s largest untapped oil reserves—six times more than Saudi Arabia—hang in the balance. If Turkey disintegrates as a result of the Kurdish/Iraqi conflict, revolution could spread like a wildfire across the Caucasus, the Balkans and even Eastern Europe.



Furthermore, Bush’s preemptive war doctrine is encouraging nuclear proliferation. Nations that merely flirted with acquiring nukes until they “let” themselves be bought off not to go all the way have drawn the obvious conclusion from the invasion of Iraq: once Bush gets his teeth in your ass, nothing you can say or do will make him let go. Kim Jong Il of North Korea ramped up his nuke program in the days leading up to the invasion of Iraq, and may have built as many as four completed warheads. He has threatened a nuclear attack on the West Coast of the United States, and Bush has all but promised a non-aggression treaty as a reward—er, result. Iran may follow suit. We want the world to see Al Qaeda as the biggest threat to world peace, but the world sees us starting all the wars. Nukes look like the perfect antidote to American militarism.



Finally, we don’t have enough troops to remain in Iraq. As things stand, the U.S. only employs about a quarter million men and women in combat positions in its standing volunteer army. 130,000 are in Iraq, with 20,000 more on the way. 10,000 are in Kabul. We’ve got 30,000 more scattered around the world, not including those stationed in the Korean demilitarized zone. National Guard and reserve units are stretched beyond their limit. If we were attacked by a real foe, by an enemy that truly possessed weapons of mass destruction, we wouldn’t be able to defend ourselves. Rumor has it that the Selective Service System is gearing up for a new draft to begin after the election in 2005. But, as the army learned during Vietnam, resentful draftees are no substitute for professional volunteer soldiers with years of training and experience.



The war in Iraq is sapping wealth and manpower, as well as political focus, from a real war on terrorism, a war that we never began in earnest. Three years and three weeks ago, 19 Saudi and Egyptian hijackers murdered more than 3,000 Americans in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. To this day, the Administration has made next to no effort whatsoever to bring the organizations that planned and carried out those attacks to justice. The nations that funded and harbored the criminals, countries which would have made more appropriate targets of American military action than Afghanistan or Iraq—despotic regimes in Saudi Arabia, Pakistan and Egypt—have enjoyed increased American aid since 9/11. The criminals remain free while we bog down our troops with a war that is so pointless that even its real objective—securing strategic dominance over the second largest oil reserves on earth—remains elusive.



Someday the U.S. will realize that the cost of occupying Iraq to fight its people far outweighs the potential benefits of a democratized Middle East. We will inevitably conclude, moreover, that our stated war aims—peace and stability, unity and democracy—are unachievable given the situation in Iraq and the nature of our strategy. Gulf War II was lost the day it was conceived; the only question is how long it will take for an American president to accept the truth and order a withdrawal.



Yes, Iraq will probably fall apart. A Shiite revolution is likely. Iraqis and other Arabs will despise us for replacing Saddam Hussein with something even worse: lawlessness and chaos. It’s awful and it is our fault, but nothing can be done about this mess now. No one can save the occupation, but there would be some long-term benefits of leaving Iraq. Were we to admit to the United Nations and the world that we committed a grace error of miscalculation and hubris when we began dropping bombs on Baghdad, it might begin to humanize us. Until now, being American has always meant never having to say we’re sorry.



Thousands of people, some innocent and some not, have died for this fraud of a war. It’s already obvious to all but the most pigheaded that, sooner or later, we will abandon Iraq just as we’ve abandoned Afghanistan. Why prolong the pain? Let’s cut our losses and get out now. Everyone who has lost their lives in Iraq has died for Bush’s lies. Everyone who dies from this day forward will die for nothing.

(c) 2003 Ted Rall, All Rights Reserved.

Tuesday, December 2, 2003

Strike Up "The Internationale"



If you missed it, there's a kick-ass comparison in the Sept. 7 Washington Post of the anti-U.S. Iraqi resistance and the anti-Soviet Afghan resistance.



Some highlights:



In both Soviet-occupied Afghanistan and American-occupied Iraq, efforts at rebuilding and development became favorite targets of militants. The attacks hurt the Soviets, and are hurting the Americans. Many aid workers are refusing to stay in Iraq, or even to go there in the first place. Oxfam, for instance, is pulling out its people because, said its Iraq program manager, Simon Springett, "the risk level was becoming unacceptable for us." Even the International Committee for the Red Cross is cutting back.



Another unsettling similarity is the way in which Americans are increasingly being cast in the role of enemy in Iraq. Now that U.S. troops are under frequent attack, reports from Baghdad suggest that jittery soldiers are shooting back more quickly, and innocent Iraqis are sometimes paying the price -- not a situation likely to endear the American forces to Iraqis. "You know you're beginning to lose a guerrilla war when 'force protection' becomes the main concern of your military," said Milt Bearden, who helped organize the massive CIA effort to support the Afghans in their war against the Soviets. "And we're starting to hear that an awful lot now from top military in Baghdad."



If the U.N. reduces its operations in Iraq, it becomes easier for the "guerrillas," whoever they may be, to portray their battle as one against a singular enemy -- America. This is precisely what happened to the Soviets in Afghanistan: The Soviet presence, rather than the Afghan government it was supporting, became the central issue of the war, and the Soviets' departure became the unifying goal of the otherwise fractured opposition. Along the way, the Soviets became the original magnet for traveling, modern-day "holy warriors" out to defend Muslim lands. The U.S. commander in Baghdad, Gen. John Abizaid, recently said that at least 1,000 foreign Muslim fighters have now made their way to Iraq, site of their new jihad.



[...]



Retired U.S. Brig. Gen. Theodore Mataxis, an expert in guerrilla war, described how bad things can get for occupying powers in a forward he wrote to the English translation of the Russian army's review of its Afghan war. "What guerrillas do not need is military victory. Guerrillas need to survive and endure over the years or decades of the conflict," he wrote. The winning side in such a war prevails "because of higher morale, greater obstinacy, stronger national will, and the determination to survive."
ATTITUDE 2: The New Subversive Social Commentary Cartoonists







ATTITUDE 2 is at the printer and Amazon is ready to take your pre-orders! Order now and you'll get the book as soon as it comes out, on or about February 1, 2004. (Ordering from Amazon seems like a "leap of faith," in the words of one correspondent--they forgot the "2" from ATTITUDE 2 in the listing--but this is the correct title. Price is $13.95.)



Alternatively you can order directly from NBM Publishing (scroll down a couple of pages), which managed to get all the information correct. It's up to you; I have no idea which way will get your copy into your hands sooner.



A sequel to the ATTITUDE anthology from 2002 with 21 totally different cartoonists, ATTITUDE 2 did benefit from my experience editing the first one. My interviews with the cartoonists, which suffered a little from formattic difficulties in the first book, are much tighter and focused. There are more follow-up questions; the ebb and flow of the dialogue is more natural. I still love the first book, and would recommend it to anyone interested in good cartooning, but you do learn as you go in this business.



A new anthology of brilliant cartoonists whose work appears in alternative weekly newspapers, ATTITUDE 2: THE NEW SUBVERSIVE SOCIAL COMMENTARY CARTOONISTS presents incisive interviews, personal photos and ephemera and of course lots of cartoons by 21 more of America's funniest and smartest cartoonists! Comics fans will doubtless be familiar and enjoy this book's unique insight into the work of well-known artists like Aaron McGruder, who draws the daily comic strip "Boondocks," Max Cannon ("Red Meat," which you'll find in The Onion), Shannon Wheeler ("Too Much Coffee Man"), Marian Henley ("Maxine!"), David Rees ("Get Your War On," which appears in Rolling Stone) and Alison Bechdel ("Dykes to Watch Out For"). As with the first ATTITUDE, the real treat of ATTITUDE 2 is its spotlighting of cartoonists whose work is so good that it deserves much more attention. Other cartoonists featured include Jennifer Berman ("Berman"), Barry Deutsch ("Ampersand"), Emily S. Flake ("Lulu Eightball"), Justin Jones (Soda-Pong"), Keith Knight ("The K Chronicles), Tim Kreider ("The Pain—When Will It End?"), Kevin Moore ("In Contempt Comics"), Stephen Notley ("Bob the Angry Flower"), Eric Orner ("The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green"), Greg Peters ("Suspect Device"), Mikhaela B. Reid ("The Boiling Point"), Neil Swaab ("Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles"), Brian Sendelbach ("Smell of Steve, Inc."), Tak Toyoshima ("Secret Asian Man") and Jason Yungbluth ("Deep Fried")



The first ATTITUDE, which came out in 2002, focused on alternative cartooning with a political bent. Though ATTITUDE 2 doesn't eschew politics, its main target is those cartoonists out to make us laugh using novel approaches to humor and the comics medium.
Generalissimo El Busho's Stomping Grounds



If you're in New Haven tomorrow night, you may want to drop by the Yale Political Union to hear me speak on my assertion that the national security needs of the United States would best be served by an immediate withdrawal from Iraq. There will be a short speech (OK, short to me and long to you), followed by a (I hope) lively question-and-answer section.

Saturday, November 29, 2003

Light at the End of the Tunnel



I'm almost done with my next book. I expect to turn it into the publisher in a little over a week. Galleys come out in January, then the book itself in March 2004.



Titled WAKE UP, YOU'RE LIBERAL, this is my most ambitious project to date. It's 100 percent prose, no cartoons whatsoever, and it's probably going to weigh in at about 250 to 300 pages.



A number of others have published Bush-bashing books in recent months (Michael Moore, Al Franken, Molly Ivins, Jim Hightower) but WAKE UP, YOU'RE LIBERAL isn't in the same vein as those. Long frustrated at the cartoon and column format because their limited space only allows you to look at one tiny aspect of one issue at a time, this book is my first attempt to present the direction I think the left should take to take back the country from the extreme right, obviously filtered through the lens of my personal political philosophy. (Liberals and conservatives will both be surprised, I think...some pleasantly, some not.)



I've relied on my experience working on political campaigns and conducted extensive research to formulate a cohesive platform, campaign methodology and constructive suggestions that I believe will allow liberals to regain their previous strength by appealing to neglected and alienated constituencies. It all starts from my belief that Americans believe in liberal values--they just don't know it.



Until a month ago, I wasn't sure that this project was going to turn out well, but now that it's nearly done I can't believe how excited I am. Will people buy it? I don't know...I never know these things in advance. Certainly people concerned about the direction of our country, those who wonder about the dangers of a system dominated by one political party and anyone looking for a "middle way" between PC liberalism and corporate conservatism will find WAKE UP interesting. I do know that I'm proud as hell to have written a cohesive summary of my political philosophy and that it nearly killed me.



I'll post advance ordering information here on the blog as well as on my website as soon as it becomes available. If you'd like me to add you to my mailing list for information about WAKE UP, YOU'RE LIBERAL or ATTITUDE 2: THE NEW SUBVERSIVE SOCIAL COMMENTARY CARTOONISTS, also due out in early 2004, please send me an e-mail.



If you or someone you know is a book reviewer or bookstore buyer, or someone interested in bringing me to their town to sign books and/or give a talk in the spring and summer of 2004, send me an e-mail and I'll put you on the list to receive a galley for review.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Back to Nothing



I'll be nonbloggin' from now through month's end.

Monday, November 17, 2003

More Proof that Reagan's Education Budget Cuts Paid Off



I said I wouldn't do this, but hey--I'm allowed to break a promise to myself, right?



While I was trying to enjoy a few well-deserved days off, the lunatic right was working itself into a weird frenzy over my column from last week, "Why We Fight."



The right-wing blog Instapundit joined fascist self-hater Andrew Sullivan and other got-no-life types in imagining that piece, written from the standpoint of an Iraqi resistance leader, to be a reflection of my desire to see American troops killed in Iraq.



Haven't these fools ever heard of writing from another viewpoint? Obviously not. So here's a few things for them to keep in mind:



1. I am not a member of the Iraqi resistance.



2. I do not hope or pray for US troops to suffer in any way, shape or form.



3. When I write an essay, it doesn't reflect what I personally believe unless the context makes that explicit.



The purpose of the piece, as most smart readers discerned, was to put myself in the position of someone fighting the US occupation to see what motivates them. It was a response to the apparent confusion that Iraqis who love us so much are so deadset on sending so many of us to meet Allah. As someone else (Krugman, maybe) pointed out, no nation-state has invaded another--and kept it--successfully during the 20th century. Wars of resistance have always won eventually. I don't think Iraq will be an exception.



Sooner or later, we'll pull out. Why not get it over with now, and save ourselves a lot of blood and money?

Monday, November 10, 2003

Why and How Bush Lost, Part XLVIII



Among the many petty annoyances that plague my life are the idiotic emails from conservatives who write to ask: "Don't you Democrats understand the electoral college? Bush won the electoral college; the popular vote doesn't matter. He's the legitimate winner."



Of course, you pinheads, we understand the electoral college system. What you don't seem to understand is that Al Gore won Florida. He actually won Florida several ways:



Legally: Since the US Supreme Court, a federal body, doesn't have jurisdictions over election disputes--state courts are the highest arbiters of elections--it didn't have the right to hear Bush v. Gore. Even had its manipulations of Florida's recount resulted in Al Gore being appointed president, then Al Gore would be illegitimate, and by definition George W. Bush would be president. The Supremes had no business involving themselves in this matter.



Through the Recount: 7 of 8 counting methods show that Gore won the newspaper-run recounts. The 8th method was the one that Bush sued to prevent. A state-wide recount, which fair-minded individuals agree would have been the best resolution, would have given Florida to Gore.



Because of Electoral Fraud: Gore actually carried Florida by anywhere from 200,000 to 400,000 votes, depending on whose estimate carries the day. He wins by a significant amount if you discount the fraudulent/late military ballots, add the African-Americans who were stopped by the cops from voting and discount the Buchanan Jews of butterfly-ballot fame.



Unfortunately there have been some Democrats who stupidly insist on rehashing the canard about Gore carrying the popular vote. That's not the point. The point is that Gore won the electoral vote, too.



Now that that's settled, Gov. Bush, would you please get the fuck out of Al Gore's house? I keep waiting for some smart liberal resident of Washington DC to file eviction papers on Bush. We can't impeach him since we wasn't elected in the first place; the dude is, after all, little more than a squatter.



I'll be away from the blog until the end of the month.

Sunday, November 9, 2003

Speaking Engagements



This is to respond to a number of emails I've received:



Yes, I do speaking gigs. In fact, I love 'em! Anything to get out of the house, you know? I can talk about cartooning, Afghanistan, Iraq, the crimes of the Bush Administration, you name it. My typical gig involves showing my cartoons on a projection screen, following that up with a talk, and then doing a back-and-forth Q&A session with the audience.



If you're interested in having me speak somewhere, please bear in mind the following:



I won't do the assignment unless it's properly promoted. That means ads in the local alternative weekly and daily newspaper, as well as listings (they're not the same thing). This is for your own good; leaving flyers at the local bookstore won't get you the crowd you're hoping for either.



I charge a flat honorarium for all appearances outside of the New York metro area (an hour or less drive from Manhattan). If you're a low-budget peace group in Portland, you may work with a local college or university, or the alt weekly, to go in on funding the honorarium. This seems to work out pretty well.



I also ask for round-trip first-class airfare to gigs away from NYC. While it's true that I'm used to roughing it in the fiendish skies--Air Tajikistan's first class is like cargo here in the States--I don't HAVE to to do speaking gigs and won't put my 6'2" frame through any more abuse than necessary.



One way to save costs is to piggyback my appearance on one I'm already making. If you see here that I'm already coming to your town and want me to chat to your group, let me know and perhaps we can work out something for less than my usual expenses.



In the last year I've spoken at Truman State University in Kirksville MO, Carnegie-Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Lima High School in Lima OH and I'm getting ready for an appearance at the Yale Political Union in New Haven CT.

Bush's Tumbling Poll Numbers



After peaking out at 90 percent popularity after 9/11, just 44 percent of the American people want to see Bush reelected (OK, elected) next year. On the one hand, this is a very good thing. We need, after all, to start cleaning up his mess as soon as possible, and the war crimes trials will take a while.



On the other hand, am I the only one who doesn't have time for Americans who are just now waking up to the fact that this Administration is full of fascists, charlatans and other treasonous scum? What were those 46 percent who changed their mind between 9/11 and now thinking? Idiots all, that's for sure.
Using Jessica Lynch



I was afraid that the story of Jessica Lynch's setting the story straight would disappear in a day or two, and it has. What is it about the Bushite-era media that it can't nurture a potential scandal?



Some of the highlights to air in an ABC "Primetime" special with Diane Sawyer (what, "60 Minutes" wasn't interested?) include:



US military allegations that she was anally raped are untrue. (Now they say she forgot. Uh-huh.)



She didn't go down fighting because her weapon jammed. (US-issue weaponry often did that in Afghanistan because of the dust; Iraq has similar conditions.)



Her Iraqi doctors never slapped her around; quite the contrary, they saved her life and tried to turn her over to US troops--who shot at them.



"They used me as a way to symbolize all this stuff," Lynch told Sawyer. "It's wrong."



By itself the elaborate Pentagon put-on isn't that big a deal..although you have to wonder why they felt it was necessary to stage an elaborate shoot-'em-up "rescue" into an undefended hospital. Were they that desperate to make Iraq look like a real war?



The spinning of Jessica Lynch is just one of countless Bush Administration lies about Iraq, Afghanistan, the economy and their methods of governance. The pattern is the same: big boner of a lie, followed by cautious unmasking of the same by the media, which are then shouted down by faux "patriot" right-wingers, followed by the passage of a few months, culminating with the revelation that the cynics had it right all along. Naturally, the right-wingers never admit that they were, as they always, inexorably are, all along.



It's boring, and funny, and stupid, all at the same time. And it's amazing that the American people are putting up with it.

Friday, November 7, 2003

A Fine Dessert of Vengeance, Served with a Frosting of Comeuppance



Proving once again that comedy is tragedy experienced by someone else, I was amused to see that a bunch of former cartoonists for the New York Press, the right-wing alternative weekly in Manhattan, are bitching about how they've been treated in a whiny thread on The Comics Journal message board.



The Press has gone through a few changes as of late, having been sold by long-time owner Russ Smith. But some things never change: they're a poorly-paying, arbitrary and capricious publication that loves, loves, loves you when they hire you and treat you like so much dog excrement when they inevitably boot your ass a few months or years later.



The paper did serve a purpose back during the early to mid '90s, when it hired new artists and writers to do autobiographical essays about their sex lives or whatever, and also featured a lot of comics--about a dozen at one point--that were just starting out. While these were by no means the best the alternative press had to offer (those are now found in The Village Voice and like-minded publications), it was good to see a paper that understood that comics were a big reader draw.



I wrote a number of long cover essays for the Press, and eventually (I think it was 1997) Russ called me in to discuss running my cartoons. "We love the strip," Russ said. Whatever. About six months later, he canceled it. That's what the Press does.



The new editor, Jeff Koyen, is a real piece of work. I thought it would be amusing to send in a submission of sample columns--they don't run in New York--to the Press a few weeks after they annointed me #2 on their list of "The 50 Most Loathesome New Yorkers," ahead of Yoko Ono even! For some reason the editor of MAXIM made #1. Hey, they don't like my politics, fine. No hard feelings from me.



Anyway, Koyen sends me a long suck-up email in response, promising to pick up my column and starts negotiations on how much he wants to pay. We go back and forth a bit, so I figure it's time to call him on the phone to say hi. Which he does, but begs off for a few weeks because he's busy doing something with another publication called Sports Express or something. Fine. I follow-up a few weeks later, he ducks my voicemails, I move on.



Then, in the Press' "Best of New York" issue, Koyen publishes a screed full of lies, saying that I stalked his phones and how he never had any interest in my column, yadayadayada. Hey, he's the guy who asked for rates. Bizarre. What was more telling, however, is that nobody mentioned it to me. New Yorkers don't read the Press anymore. Still, I have to ask myself, what's WITH this guy?



Part of me feels sorry for this batch of cartoonists getting screwed over by the Press. Then the other part remembers how they reacted when it happened to me. It only hurts, as Len Deighton said, when I larf.
300,000 New Jobs Created?



The good news, they tell us, is that the economy has created 300,000 new jobs in the last 3 months. The trouble is that the economy has to generate 400,000 new jobs a month just to stay even with layoffs and standard attrition of businesses going under, etc. The "good news," in other words, is that the net loss of jobs has decreased from 400,000 per month to 300,000 per month. I suppose that's good news...but calling it a recovery is a bit rich. A recovery, after all, needs to actually add jobs to the economy, not take them away...



This weekend is a big book deadline weekend, so I shan't be blogging much.