The Beach Gestapo
posted by Susan Stark

I love the beach. I love the water. I love the sound of the waves and the wind caressing me.

I've loved this ever since I was a little girl in Michigan, swimming in the great, fresh-water lakes that surround the state. And it's the same here in New York, the same beautiful sand, water, waves, and wind. As an adult I swim in the salt-water of the Atlantic.

But one thing I and other New Yorkers could do without are the obsessive and harassing park personnel and policies, otherwise known as the Beach Gestapo.

Once, on Staten Island, I walked from the train to the beach, got in the water, and was promptly told by a passing personnel that I must, MUST be in a designated swimming area with lifeguards. I had to walk a half a mile north to this area, only to see that the area was only several yards long, and was crammed with noisy people and their kids. I like my beach experience quiet, so I walked as far away from the crowd as possible, while still in range of the lifeguards. I should not have had to do all of that, because a simple sign saying "NO LIFEGUARD ON DUTY, SWIM AT YOUR OWN RISK" would have sufficed in most places. Not here, apparently.

The Beach Gestapo also goes around at 6pm sharp to tell everyone to get out of the water because the beach is closing. Shocking. I never heard of that practice until I moved here.

There are very few personnel at Coney Island Beach in Brooklyn telling folks to leave the water "immediately, or else", but the last time I was there, there were signs on the bathroom doors telling people that they cannot use the bathroom to change clothes. This would've made sense if the city provided a place to change clothes, but there wasn't a building in sight where you could do that. I changed clothes in the bathroom anyway, and so did everyone else. A nice bit of psychological warfare, if you ask me.

And finally, there are those who have been ticketed for leaving their stuff on the beach while they go into the water. Doing something like that is completely normal to the rest of us, but apparently not to the city. (Gee, too bad they didn't have a maid to watch it for them, right Bloomberg?)

I have a word for the Beach Gestapo and everyone else reading this. The wealthy go to Fire Island and the Hamptons to swim. They do not swim in the city. I am a resident of New York City, and my hard-earned tax dollars pay for these beaches, and I will use them to my heart's content. And so will every other New York City resident. You are not going to force us out with your personnel and your mind-games. We are not going to back down. Give it up.