I Was The 20th Hijacker
posted by TheDon

To: Mr Sumner Redstone, Chairman of CBS
Re: Ongoing WGA Strike

Mr Redstone,

As the WGA strike approaches its 7th week, reporting indicates that network television will soon consist of reruns, reality shows and American Idol. I'm sure that thought haunts you as much as it does me, so I am offering you a free idea that came to me during a commercial for Fox's "The Moment of Truth". I propose a game show called "I was the 20th Hijacker".

The idea is simple, and doesn't require any of those nasty union writers. Have viewers make home videos of themselves and their families explaining how patriotic they are, and giving their alibis for 9/11/2001. They need to prove that they could not possibly be involved in the attacks on NYC and Washington.

You pick contestants to come on the show, and screen edited versions of their submissions. I would really stretch this part out, because the rest of the show will be brief, but the payoff is huge! After a commercial break (which will sell for huge bucks), come back to the contestant strapped to a waterboard. Just get a team of ex-CIA officers (they seem to be everywhere these days), and get to work. The contestant gets a prize (I suggest $1 million, but it doesn't really matter - you will NEVER have to pay), if he/she makes it through 5 minutes of waterboarding. They can stop the process one way, and one way only - by looking into the camera and declaring, "I was the 20th hijacker!".

It's brilliant, it's TV gold and your production costs will be almost nothing. You can put on variations, like two teams racing to find the 20th hijacker first, or keep track of the all time records (short and long) and award prizes at the end of the season. Maybe specials where different "enhanced techniques" are used? How about a one-off, where you torture question one spouse, and the other one has to confess to stop the questioning? This one is a little trickier, though, marriages being as complex as they are.

As for the show's losers? They get handcuffed and turned over to the DOJ for processing, since they have just admitted, in a way that our government considers actionable, to being part of a murderous plot against the USA. You get credit for helping in the Global War on Terror. Your ratings dominate. Win, win, win, win, win!

You're welcome,
TheDon